Things I'm Not Allowed to do at Hogwarts
by Laire Ankale
Summary: Harry, Ron, Hermione, or others discover the hard way things they shouldn't do while at Hogwarts. Based off of 50 Things I'm Not Allowed to do at Hogwarts icons. Random, but amusing. Minifics or ficlets.


**Things I Am Not Allowed to do at Hogwarts**

**Rule Number 105**

I will not give Hagrid Pokemon cards and convince him they are real animals.

- - -

The students were all returning from their summer holiday. It had been an uneventful one, for the most part, but Harry was excited. There was a muggle craze going on, and Harry still wasn't completely sure what it was – but Dudley had seemed fond to pound anyone who carried around a Pokemon card. Which, of course, made Harry carry as many of them as he could.

He was of legal wizarding age now – he could actually hex Dudley if he wanted to. There was no longer any threat of being beaten. It had been fun to see the glares on Dudley's face whenever Harry would walk by, flashing him a bright, hologram card. Those in particular seemed to drive Dudley mad. Oh, this summer had been a good one.

Which is what Harry told Ron and Hermione at the feast. Hermione had, of course, heard all about the Pokemon frenzy. She rolled her eyes and called Harry childish. Ron, on the other hand, seemed excited.

"Oi! Give me a look!" he called as Harry started bringing out decks of yellow-lined cards. Harry grinned in a goofy manner and handed them over to Ron.

His face lit up with joy. "Blimey! These are fantastic! What sort of creatures are these? I've never heard of them," Ron said, rifling through the cards. Harry and Hermione exchanged a glance. He didn't get it that they weren't real?

"Ron, I know you're not stupid, but you can't honestly tell me that you believe these cartoon drawings are real?" Hermione asked. Ron looked at another card, then back at Hermione and Harry. His face started turning bright red when he realized that it was just a game.

"They looked like they could be real," he muttered under his breath. Harry just laughed.

"Don't worry, mate. We all make stupid mistakes," he said to Ron, clapping him on the back. But Ron got an amazing idea.

"Harry… what if we…" He gave Harry a meaningful look. Harry looked back, comprehension dawning on his face.

"Yeah. Yeah! Saturday. Tea," was Harry's response. They were grinning broadly at each other, mischievousness written in their faces.

Hermione just stared between the two of them, for once, extremely confused.

- - -

The boys were able to set everything up just the way they wanted. And so Saturday afternoon they were heading down towards Hagrid's hut, Hermione in tow. The boys had brought along some of Harry's cards, for reasons unbeknownst to Hermione. She had given up on trying to understand them and their motives – all she tried to do was keep them out of trouble. Which was a constant job.

The door to the hut opened, and Fang came bounding out, knocking the trio over. He started licking them all, to their disgust.

"Fang! Come 'ere boy!" Hagrid called. Fang looked up, wagged his tail, and then went back inside as he was told. Harry, Ron, and Hermione got up, dripping in saliva.

"Ugh," said Ron. Well if that wasn't an understatement.

"'Arry! 'Ermione! Ron! I'm glad ya could come!" Hagrid exclaimed, pulling all three in for a hug. They all took deep breaths as they couldn't breathe whenever Hagrid decided to show affection.

When he finally let them go, they all went inside and Hagrid started making tea.

"So wha' are you all up ta?" he asked them as he bustled in the nook that was his kitchen.

"Not much, Hagrid. We wanted to come down and say hello," Hermione replied with a smile. Hagrid turned around and smiled back.

"Well it's goo' ta see ya! I hope ya bin keepin' outta trouble?" he asked firmly. Hermione smiled.

"As best as we can, Hagrid." He chuckled at her response.

Harry and Ron were speaking in whispers while Hermione and Hagrid were talking. Noticing this, Hermione stomped on Harry's foot.

"What the - " Harry started. But Hagrid came back with tea. They all sipped it; the students made sure to pretend as if the scones weren't there.

"So wha' 'ave you bin up to this summer, 'Arry?" Hagrid asked. Harry shot Ron a quick look before answering.

"Well, I discovered a new way to torment Dudley," he replied smoothly. At Hagrid's inquisitive look, Harry pulled out a Pokemon card. He handed it over to Hagrid.

"It seems Dudley can't stand to even look at a picture of these," Harry said. He was implying that they were real. Hermione glared at him. Ron was trying his hardest not to laugh, but his face was starting to turn red with the effort.

Hagrid stared at the card. It had a cartoon drawing of a funny looking yellow mouse-like-thing. It had red cheeks, long pointed ears, a zigzag tail, and black stripes along its back. Altogether, Hagrid had never seen anything like it. Underneath the picture were characteristics of the creature, which was evidently called a "Pikachu."

"Wha' on earth…?" Hagrid started.

"Yeah. It seems as though muggles are fascinated with cards of animals. And Dudley hates them. I was able to keep him away from me, merely by keeping lots of them in my pockets." Harry grinned, trying to conceal his half-truth.

Hermione sighed, and admitted that at least he wasn't _outright_ lying. He was letting Hagrid make assumptions.

Hagrid started laughing uproariously. "Thi' is bloody fantastic!" he bellowed. "Who eve' knew such creatures existed?"

Ron and Harry were exchanging grins without Hagrid noticing.

"Well, Hagrid, tea has certainly been lovely. But I'm afraid the _boys_ and I have to start on our potions essay. _Don't we_?" Hermione said, glaring at Harry and Ron. Getting her drift, their nodded and said their goodbyes to Hagrid. He was still laughing to himself as they left.

- - -

Two weeks had gone by, and nothing had come of the joke.

"I guess Hagrid didn't believe us," sighed Harry.

The common room was slowly emptying, as students were heading off to bed. Harry was sitting in a plump armchair, his head resting in a hand. Ron was across from him in another armchair, fiddling with some chess pieces. Hermione was off doing her Head Girl rounds, making sure everyone was in bed.

"You never know, mate. It's Hagrid. Maybe he just forgot," Ron replied. A queen was knocked off the table by a bishop.

"Harry Potter and Ronald Weasley!" a screeching voice came from the doorway. Cringing, the boys looked to find an extremely irritated Hermione standing there, hands on her hips.

"Um, hi?" Harry said with a sheepish grin.

"Don't 'hi' me! It's all your fault that Mrs. Norris is injured!" she yelled, starting to walk towards them.

"Since when do we care about Mrs. Norris?" Ron asked. He hadn't even looked up from the chessboard. Hermione glared fitfully at him. As if sensing it, he cringed and slowly looked up at her.

"I hope you're happy!" she started, ignoring Ron's question. "It seems that Hagrid believed every single word you said!" she started. Harry and Ron started laughing. "This isn't funny!"

Harry snorted. "Yes, it is! But please. Do tell us what happened to Mrs. Norris." He was grinning broadly.

"Hagrid has been placing traps all around the Forbidden Forest and Hogwarts, hoping to catch a Pikachu! When I say traps, I mean _giant mousetraps_. Because Pikachu is evidently a giant mouse." She continued glaring until their grins wore off slightly. "Mrs. Norris happened to find one and get caught. Her tail is broken, and Filch is ready to murder whoever was responsible. And I _will_ tell him it was you two!"

Harry and Ron started talking at the same time. "Hermione!" "But you can't!" "It wasn't our fault!" were a few phrases she was able to comprehend. She cut them off with a gesture.

"No excuses. We're going to go see the headmaster this _instant!_" she yelled. Almost grabbing them by their collars, Hermione dragged them out of the Gryffindor common room and to Dumbledore's office.

By the time they got there, neither Harry nor Ron was grinning anymore. Evidently getting in trouble stopped their glee.

"Fun-dip," Hermione barked at the gargoyle. It jumped aside and allowed them access to the spiral staircase which was wending its way upwards. "Go!"

Both boys did as she said. When they got to the top, Hermione knocked on the door and got a swift response. They walked into Dumbledore's office to see him wide-awake. He almost seemed to have known that they would be coming.

"Ah! Miss Granger! How very nice to see you. And Misters Potter and Weasley. Never apart, I see," he greeted them. His eyes were twinkling. "Lemon drop?" he offered them all.

"No thank you, Professor. I'm here on official Head Girl duty," Hermione started. Ron and Harry gave her dirty looks. But before Hermione could continue, Dumbledore's door burst open.

Filch stormed in, trailed by an enormous, hairy man. Filch looked loathsome and as if he were ready to kill someone. Hagrid looked almost amused, but at the same time contrite.

"Professor Dumbledore, sir! Apprehend this man at _once!_" he screeched. "My poor, poor cat." He started sobbing.

"Really, Argus. It's no' tha' big a deal!" Hagrid said to Filch. He had crossed his arms. "I can fix 'er in a 'eart-beat."

"Now, now!" Dumbledore said, standing up from behind his desk, hands held up. "Now that my office has gotten crowded, I can hardly even hear myself think. Please! One at a time." Glancing at everyone, he nodded as they all stood silent. "Now, Miss Granger. Since you got here first, I believe you should state your case."

"Actually, sir, I think Filch should start." Dumbledore, Filch, and Hagrid all looked surprised, but no one argued.

"All right," Dumbledore replied. "Argus, if you please?"

"He - " Filch started, pointing at Hagrid. "He maimed Mrs. Norris, Headmaster!"

"I di' not 'maim' her!" Hagrid yelled.

"You did, too!"

"Enough! Hagrid, would you care to explain what happened, as it appears Mr. Filch cannot at the moment?" Dumbledore asked.

"Well, you see, sir. The kids 'ere tol' me 'bout these cute li'l critters called Pokemon. An' I though' it'd be fun to catch un and study it! So, ya see, I set up lots and lots'a mouse-traps."

"A normal mouse-trap couldn't virtually kill my cat!" Filch burst out. Hagrid glared at him before continuing.

"Well, er, yeah. They're kinda big. A Pikachu's a giant mouse, af'erall! So I've bin waitin' fer two weeks and got nuttin. Well, 'til Mrs. Norris got caught in un," Hagrid finished, wringing his hands. "I didn' mean no harm, Professor Dumbledore. I jus' wanted to learn somethin' 'bout these new critters."

"And what precisely happened to Mrs. Norris?" Dumbledore asked patiently.

"Her tail got broke, that's what happened!" Filch cried. "And it's all this big lug's fault!"

"Actually, Mr. Filch, it's not," Hermione interjected. "I believe the culprits are right here." She looked over at Harry and Ron, who were trying to blend in the background, unsuccessfully.

"Bu' how could tha' be?" Hagrid asked.

"Yes, please elaborate, Miss Granger," Dumbledore said.

"Well, when we first got back to school Harry showed Ron his Pokemon cards. And he thought at first that they were real creatures." She turned and looked at Hagrid. "Sorry, Hagrid, but they're not real. Anyway. Then they got the _brilliant_ plan to convince Hagrid that they were real. Which is how this happened." Hermione crossed her arms over her chest.

"Well, then," Dumbledore said, sitting back down. He appeared deep in thought, and Hagrid was glaring at Harry and Ron. They were smiling sheepishly back.

"I believe we have a problem here. Harry and Ron, it is strictly forbidden to lie to a teacher, under any circumstances," he started.

"But, sir! We never actually _said_ that Pokemon exist. We sort of… inferred it," Harry replied.

"Regardless, you still misled a teacher. I'm afraid I will have to give you each a detention. I believe one with Mr. Filch and one with Hagrid will do. One detention for each crime."

Harry and Ron looked dejected. Hermione looked slightly smug. Hagrid still looked slightly angry, and Filch was looking as if he relished the idea of having students in detention with him.

On the way back to their dorms, Harry muttered to Ron, "Rule Number 105: I will not give Hagrid Pokemon cards and convince him they are real animals." Ron started giggling, but stopped when Hermione shot a glare back at them.

- - -

**_Author's Note:_** Teehee. I found a bunch of icons on a Facebook Harry Potter group, and they're all really funny. I decided to try and make mini-fics out of them, and this is the first installment. You should theoretically be seeing more of "Things I'm Not Allowed to do at Hogwarts" stories. Yay!


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